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shirts and pants: a users’ guide for the layman

I’ve been paying attention, and this is what I’ve gathered so far. As a human male, I need a piece of cloth around my torso in order to be presentable. But not every piece of cloth is equal. The worst types of cloth don’t cover the arms. If I put the cloth on by pulling it over my head, it meets the minimum requirement to go out into public, but just barely. It helps if this cloth has buttons part-way down in front of the neck and a stiff part of the cloth that sticks up behind the neck.

But the really respectable pieces of cloth are put on over the arms and secured by buttons down the front. Almost all of these have the stiff pieces of cloth behind the neck. If the cloth covers all the way to the wrists, this grants the wearer a greater measure of authority, or denotes that he is somehow deserving of more dignity.

This isn’t the end though. The addition of a separate piece of cloth tied around the neck is a great improvement, but only when the stiff portion of cloth is present behind the neck. Another improvement is to stuff the entire bottom portion this cloth into the cloth that covers the legs.

The leg covering cloth is of absolute necessity. It can be broken down into four categories: Made of denim, not made of denim, covering all the way to the ankles, and not covering all the way to the ankles. Of these, not made of denim and covering all the way to the ankles is usually the best. Made of denim and not covering all the way to the ankles is always the worst. I made a chart to aid in understanding.

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “shirts and pants: a users’ guide for the layman

  1. Your mind is fascinating! 😉
    If you want to really challenge yourself, write on this same subject and make a chart for women’s clothing. Ha!

    Posted by janahn | 01/03/2012, 10:08 am
    • Yeah right. Most women don’t even understand that. Nevertheless, an attempt at a chart has been made, (by a man no less). It basically just shows that it is impossible.
      http://www.viruscomix.com/page551.html
      It’s an odd comic, but the pretext is a woman explaining human culture to a centuries old sphinx. Put your filters up.

      Posted by coyotetom | 01/04/2012, 11:29 am
  2. Oh my goodness! So funny and crazy true… that its all ridiculous!

    Posted by janahn | 01/05/2012, 3:56 pm

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